TIP - Disciplining Kids in Public

Right before Christmas, I took my 6 year old son to Target store to do last minute gift shopping. At the checkout counter, when we were next in line, my son walked over to over to the counter and was staring at the items that were being rung through. Although there were no embarrassing items, I felt that it was rude to have my son staring at the items that the lady was purchasing.

So I said to my son in a normal voice, "Let's not look at other people's things. It is rude." The lady heard me, smiled and said, "That’s okay." My son got really quiet and started to cry.

I was bewildered. I had no idea why he was crying. The lady was nice and I had not gotten angry. So I pulled him aside and asked him why he was crying. He of course just shrugged and continued to cry.

So I started down my usual list of questions:

“Are you upset because Mommy is angry?”
“Are you upset because you wanted to continue what you were doing?”

He shook his head to both questions. I was at a complete loss and I just starred at him and rubbed his shoulders. Then it hit me, I asked:

“Are you upset because you are embarrassed?”

He nodded and sobbed louder. I could not believe it. He was embarrassed! He was now old enough to be embarrassed in public. Wow! My boy was going up. And now I have to consider embarrassment when I discipline him in public.

I apologized for embarrassing him. I asked him how I can tell him next time when I want him to stop doing something. He of course shrugged. I was holding his hand so I told him - from now on, I will squeeze his hand twice if I want him to stop doing something in public. But if he continues to do it after I squeeze his hand twice, then I will have to tell him verbally. He loved the idea and was happy. We checked out and went home happy.

But silently, on the drive home, I realized that I had never taken embarrassment into consideration when disciplining him in public. But now, he was 6 year old and he was of age to be embarrassed.

From that moment on, I added “Are you upset because you are embarrassed?” to my list of usual questions.