CONFESSION - I Behaved Like One of those Supernanny Show Parents (and I Mean Before They Get Help from Jo)!

Okay, it serves me right that a couple days after I publish an article about disciplining children that I handle a disciplining sitation very badly with my own child.

My 7-year-old son was playing outside with some neighborhood kids. I had already given him 10 minute warning, and then 2 minute warning to come inside. Finally when I called out to him that it was time to come inside, he shouted, "NO! I don't want to come in!" and slammed a bat down on the ground, right in front of his friends and right in front of my neighbor's house. First, I said, "Excuse me?" and then I felt anger rising to my head and taking complete control of my senses.

I said,"Okay" in a normal voice and I marched back inside the house. I shut and locked the door. Two minutes later, he came to the door and found it locked. I told him, "You said you did not want to come in so stay outside!" and turned away keeping the door locked. He started to holler and cry uncontrollably on porch - loud enough to alert all the neighbors that I was a horrible mother and to confirm that they would have handled the situation much better.

After a few minutes, I opened the door and said, "Is this what you wanted? Not to come inside?"

In between the sobs, he said, "That is not what I meant...I meant that I wanted to stay outside for a few more minutes."

I responded, "That is not what you said. You said, 'No! I don't want to come inside!' and then you slammed your bat down the ground."

He replied, "It was not my bat."

I shouted, "IT DOES NOT MATTER WHOSE BAT IT IS! You do not talk to mommy that way! I gave you a ten-minute warning then a two-minute warning and then you say, 'NO! I am not coming in!' to me! And then you slammed your bat - whose ever bat it was! - on the ground!"

He whimpered, "I didn't mean to..."

I said, "Okay, you can come inside. But next time, when I tell you to come inside, what will you do?"

He tried to come inside. I stopped him and repeated, "Next time, when I tell you to come inside, what will you do?"

He replied, "I will come inside," and he was allowed in the house.

But I was not done. I was still angry. I told him to go to his time out chair and while he was there, I started to rattle off all the things that I was taking away: "No dinner tonight! After time-out, wash up and go to bed. No family game! I am taking away all the magnets you earned! Go get your book that you got yesterday, bring it down here, you are not getting that either!"

My son looked shocked and started to cry even harder. I have never taken away dinner, his magnet points for good behavior, or family game before. He looked very sad and pathetic as he said, "I am sorry, Mommy."

This did not dissolve my anger at all! In fact, I got even angrier as I thought about all the things that happened that day. I said, "NO! No more sorrys! You have been saying sorry all day! You said you were sorry after you got upset at the library! You said you were sorry when you dropped the videos twice! You said you were sorry when you were yelling after I told you to talk in an inside voice! Sorry does not mean anything if you don't change afterwards! Wash up now and go to bed!"

I turned away and went to the other room. He followed me and said,"Mommy."

I was still angry when I turned to face him.

He said, "Mommy, can I have another chance?" in between hiccups from crying so hard and with tears in his eyes.

I was still angry. I looked at him and was silent for a long time. Finally, said, "Okay," and we hugged for a long time. I kissed him and told him I loved and that I always love him even when I was angry. Then I told him to wash up and have some dinner.

During dinner, I told him that I acted very angrily and that I took away many things that were not fair to take away. "I am giving you back the book because you earned it before today and I am giving you back the magnets that you earned before today. And of course, you are having dinner now. However, because of your behavior, you will earn no magnets today and I am still taking away the family game today. The way you spoke to Mommy and slammed down that bat when I told you to come inside was unacceptable. I know that you will not behave like that again the next time I tell you to come inside." I was still angry, but luckily my anger was no longer controlling my senses.

He listened and nodded. After eating his dinner, he washed up for bed, we read our usual bedtime book, and he went to bed happily.

When my husband came home, I told him the whole story and finished it with, "And I am STILL angry! I am angry at him for behaving that way! I am angry that it happened in front of my neighbor's house! I am angry that he cried so loudly on the porch. I am angry at myself for completely losing it! I acted like one of those Supernanny show parents before Jo helps them out! I am angry at all the wrong things that I can't do a thing about, but I am still angry that it happened at all!" My husband comforted me and said that he understood. He said to try to shake it off. He said that as parents, we are entitled to "flip out" every once in a while - we are human too. He said this is just prepping us for when our son is 15.

Later, as I was brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed, I realized, as irrational as it was, I was still angry. I was not sure what I was angry at, but I was still angry.

This morning, I searched on my son's face and behavior for signs of permanant damage from our incident last night, but of course, he seemed fine. Of course my husband is right, we parents are human and we make mistakes. But we have the responsibility of raising another human being and we have to be extra careful. Sigh. I guess parenting is one of skills that I will always be learning "on the job" and will never completely master.